So apparently this blog and/or my laptop is just giving me fits and I can't upload the actual photos of what I wanted to. So I will type it out. I was sitting in my salon this morning waiting on my appointment and I found some great advice in Real Simple magazine. Advice your mom never gave you it said. So I took a picture of it with my phone but it won't upload for me. So I will summarize the main points that stood out to me. I needed these right now:
"How to Walk Away"
- We hate to quit. Not just because quitters never win but because of a cognitive distortion that psychologists and economists call the "sunk cost fallacy." For example, you are sitting on the couch watching a show and it stinks, you change the channel. But you are in a movie theater and have paid $10 for a movie. Will you walk out if the movie is bad? Less likely because you have sunk $10 into it and you will never get your money back.
- Which future life is better? The one in which you sit through the awful movie or the one in which you leave? Yet, you have a nagging feeling that you somehow must recoup your investment, however meager.
- Think of quitting as an investment in your future, happier self. The you who is free of the lousy relationship or job that is draining your will to go on.
- There is a good chance someone will be unhappy with your decision, so get comfortable with being uncomfortable for awhile.
- The reality is that in walking away we may have to sit with a range of unpleasant feelings, including anxiety and guilt. So when you make an important decision like leaving, take the time to think it through, then be prepared for the difficult emotions that invariably come with change.
"How to Make the Best Decision"
- Life is a string of choices. It's tantalizing to think that there's one and only one correct branch of every decision tree and that it's just waiting to be uncovered by a sufficient amount of rational analysis.
- We feel an obligation to use all our intellectual tools to find the absolute ideal option. But it's a fool's errand.
- The more we agonize over a decision, the more paralyzed we become, and the greater our potential for unhappiness later.
- Pros and cons are not always equal. There may be 244 reasons not to do something but how do they stack up against one, really big pro?
- After you've discovered what is really in your heart take the pressure off by lowering your expectations. Then do your best not to look back. Revisiting decisions after you've made them is not a good idea. If you do you'll find a lot to be dissatisfied with.
- Success is getting it wrong as infrequently as possible.
"How to Fight Right"
- The way a conflict discussion begins determines how it's going to end 96% of the time.
- Two people can fight fairly often and still have a healthy relationship. It's not about the number of bouts but the techniques used in the ring.
- Contempt is the best predictor of divorce, so take note of dismissive eye-rolling and other below-the-belt strategies including personal attacks and the silent treatment.
- Starting a conversation gently is the key to ending it well.
- If only people could listen with the same passion they feel about being heard.
- If you find yourself in a frenzy of a racing heart, sweaty palms, stop the argument. Stress hormones inhibit cognitive function like impulse control and attention.
- Harriet Lerner is the author of "Marriage rules: A Manual for the Married and Coupled Up." I think this would be a great read for a future relationship.
I needed to read all of these things right now. First I needed to be reminded once I made a decision not to look back. Trust my gut and go with it. For many decisions in my life I have wanted a magic answer and made pro/cons lists and waited for it to just be clear but nothing ever is. And I hate feeling like I invested so much of myself in something then giving it up. But I'm giving it up in exchange for a new investment. My old investment was tanking. I definitely have had to be uncomfortable after decisions. But I love that they said success is getting it wrong as infrequently as possible. By the way, all of the above was paraphrased from the article.
On a lighter note-I discovered this morning I sleep text. You know, like sleep walking except texting. Apparently someone whose number I didn't recognize called me last night at 1:53am and I didn't answer. However, at 1:54 am I sent them a text saying "I'm in a meeting." What? That is the excuse my brain came up with at 1:54am in the morning? Could be legit right?
