12.23.2012

Resolving

I was just looking back to find my resolutions for 2012 and it appears I didn't make a list.  Here are some highlights from the year:

  • Finally went thru with the surgeries I have wanted for years
  • Had numerous girls trips
  • Completed CPCU
  • Got the new role as Fire Claims Trainer which I am loving
Some things about 2012 I didn't enjoy:
  • Numerous suck it moments.  Too many to count but more lows than I would like to experience again.
  • Drama.  Too. Much. Drama. 
I'm not sure if I said 2013 has to be better if that is jinxing it or if that is a good attitude.  At this point here is what I know I want out of 2013:
  • Eliminate drama.  I don't want to create any and I don't want others dragging me down with theirs.  Funny how much more grown up I feel when I start taking myself out of situations I don't need to be a part of.  And honestly it is exhausting when drama is constant.  I am not talking about not being there for friends...that is different.  It is the thriving off drama that I can't be a part of. 
  • Continue to get stronger from the things that had me weak.  I don't need some people I thought I did in order to enjoy my life.  Remember what I deserve.  And do not Internet stalk those who do not deserve me.  Continue taking Xanax.
  • Work on my book.
  • Focus on developing leadership skills at work.
  • Get back to the gym!  My surgeries have had me out of the gym for six months. 
  • Handle anger better if something does make me angry.  I.e. don't react emotionally right away.  
  • Do not spend frivolously.  Try to use up things I have before buying new.
  • Save for new car down payment.
  • Say no when I want to. Say yes when I want to. Speak up when I want to. 
  • Do the right thing, even if the right thing isn't always the easy thing. 
Some of these goals may seem hard to measure or vague, but they are meaningful to me. Just since recently eliminating some drama from my life I have already noticed a difference in how I have no problem with people that drove me crazy before.  Really it was those causing the drama that stressed me out and I took it out on other people around me.  So I do hope for good things in 2013.  I am working on things within my control this year.  

12.16.2012

Surprises

Things that were a pleasant surprise this weekend:

  • How good the new James Bond Skyfall movie was. Bond makes my heart beat faster.  Love a handsome man in a nice suit. 
  • The amazing chocolate covered cherries my mom brought me from The Candy Factory.  Ruined Queen Anne cherries for me.  Seriously. Amazing.  Chocolate covered cherries are my favorite this time of year.  Plus they are so cheap.  Not anymore. 
  • The shirt I have had me eye on at Express was 40 percent off.  No, I wasn't crazy enough to go to the mall, just did some online shopping. 
  • 50 percent off super cute sparkly tops at New York and Company online. 
  • Gas for $2.89
For an unpleasant surprise I have to say I am a little bored with The Walking Dead, Private Practice, and Grey's Anatomy this season. 

Time to start thinking of my resolutions for 2013.  I am ready for this year to be done. 2012 can suck it. 

12.15.2012

Advice

So apparently this blog and/or my laptop is just giving me fits and I can't upload the actual photos of what I wanted to.  So I will type it out.  I was sitting in my salon this morning waiting on my appointment and I found some great advice in Real Simple magazine.  Advice your mom never gave you it said.  So I took a picture of it with my phone but it won't upload for me.  So I will summarize the main points that stood out to me.  I needed these right now:

"How to Walk Away"
  • We hate to quit.  Not just because quitters never win but because of a cognitive distortion that psychologists and economists call the "sunk cost fallacy."  For example, you are sitting on the couch watching a show and it stinks, you change the channel.  But you are in a movie theater and have paid $10 for a movie.  Will you walk out if the movie is bad?  Less likely because you have sunk $10 into it and you will never get your money back. 
  • Which future life is better?  The one in which you sit through the awful movie or the one in which you leave?  Yet, you have a nagging feeling that you somehow must recoup your investment, however meager.
  • Think of quitting as an investment in your future, happier self.  The you who is free of the lousy relationship or job that is draining your will to go on. 
  • There is a good chance someone will be unhappy with your decision, so get comfortable with being uncomfortable for awhile. 
  • The reality is that in walking away we may have to sit with a range of unpleasant feelings, including anxiety and guilt.  So when you make an important decision like leaving, take the time to think it through, then be prepared for the difficult emotions that invariably come with change.
"How to Make the Best Decision"
  • Life is a string of choices.  It's tantalizing to think that there's one and only one correct branch of every decision tree and that it's just waiting to be uncovered by a sufficient amount of rational analysis. 
  • We feel an obligation to use all our intellectual tools to find the absolute ideal option.  But it's a fool's errand.
  • The more we agonize over a decision, the more paralyzed we become, and the greater our potential for unhappiness later. 
  • Pros and cons are not always equal.  There may be 244 reasons not to do something but how do they stack up against one, really big pro?
  • After you've discovered what is really in your heart take the pressure off by lowering your expectations.  Then do your best not to look back.  Revisiting decisions after you've made them is not a good idea.  If you do you'll find a lot to be dissatisfied with. 
  • Success is getting it wrong as infrequently as possible.
"How to Fight Right"
  • The way a conflict discussion begins determines how it's going to end 96% of the time. 
  • Two people can fight fairly often and still have a healthy relationship.  It's not about the number of bouts but the techniques used in the ring.
  • Contempt is the best predictor of divorce, so take note of dismissive eye-rolling and other below-the-belt strategies including personal attacks and the silent treatment.
  • Starting a conversation gently is the key to ending it well. 
  • If only people could listen with the same passion they feel about being heard.
  • If you find  yourself in a frenzy of a racing heart, sweaty palms, stop the argument.  Stress hormones inhibit cognitive function like impulse control and attention. 
  • Harriet Lerner is the author of "Marriage rules:  A Manual for the Married and Coupled Up."  I think this would be a great read for a future relationship. 
I needed to read all of these things right now.  First I needed to be reminded once I made a decision not to look back.  Trust my gut and go with it.  For many decisions in my life I have wanted a magic answer and made pro/cons lists and waited for it to just be clear but nothing ever is.  And I hate feeling like I invested so much of myself in something then giving it up.  But I'm giving it up in exchange for a new investment.  My old investment was tanking.  I definitely have had to be uncomfortable after decisions.  But I love that they said success is getting it wrong as infrequently as possible.  By the way, all of the above was paraphrased from the article. 

On a lighter note-I discovered this morning I sleep text.  You know, like sleep walking except texting.  Apparently someone whose number I didn't recognize called me last night at 1:53am and I didn't answer.  However, at 1:54 am I sent them a text saying "I'm in a meeting."  What?  That is the excuse my brain came up with at 1:54am in the morning?  Could be legit right? 

11.17.2012

New beginnings

I am excited for a new opportunity as a Fire Claims Trainer effective today.  I think this job is one that will have me excited to go to work everyday.  There is a training group of nine currently and next month a group of six to nine will start.  I love the creativity I can inject into the day and the interaction with the group.  I am excited for Jen, the current trainer, for her move to Dallas but I will really miss her.

I can't believe next week is Thanksgiving and the end of the year is almost here.  I am already thinking of my goals and I must say I am ready for this year to be over.  It's been a rough one and I hope next year will be a new beginning for me in a lot of ways.  Trying to really change my mindset and focus now!

10.27.2012

Great ways to waste my time and avoid real life

Here are my favorite TV series lately to watch while I have been recovering.  Well and even when i am not recovering I loooooove TV marathons.  I should also mention I read Bared to You by Sylvia Day and I enjoyed it more than 50 Shades.  I just ordered the second book of the series today, Reflected in You. I enjoyed 50 Shades but I felt it did get a little overrated and lacked a storyline, or forced the storyline it did have.  The Crossfire series just reads more natural to me.  I am sure a lot of people would disagree with me on this but it's just my opinion. So my top three TV marathons lately have been

-The Closer (wish they would put this on instant watch on Netflix)
-24 (yay for instant watch!)
-The Mentalist

I also watched Sherlock on instant watch, very good but it is a British show.

My past favorites which I would watch again include
-Alias (favorite all time show ever)
-Prison Break
-Weeds
-The Office

Current TV show loves
-Grey's Anatomy (really who doesn't watch this?)
-Scandal (seriously, great show! One of my new faves)
-Spartacus (can't wait for January for the next season)
-True Blood
-Private Practice (been a bit on the boring side lately)
-Chicago Fire (hot guy from House is in this show and he is a hot fireman)
-Last Resort
-Law and Order SVU (Caylea & I have to watch this together and look forward to SVU night)
-Major Crimes (spin off of The Closer and just as great)
-Rizzoli and Isles
-Covert Affairs (adore me some Auggie)
-The Glades (lead guy is a cutie!)
-The Walking Dead
-New Girl (hilarious!)

Shows I will watch but aren't top priority
-Jersey Shore (insert look of shame here)
-Real Housewives (best is Beverly Hills and OC)
-Bachelor and Bachelorette
-Criminal Minds
-Gossip Girl
-Real World

The boyfriend and a few random obsessions

 Here's a picture of Caylea and her bf Tyler.  He is super cute and sweet.  They just finished their huge project for honors class and they did a great job.  They put in a ton of hours working on it. 
 You've all seen how many lipglosses I have but I think it is safe to say my favorite brand is MAC.  I normally don't do lipsticks but I just found a perfect pink from MAC and am loving it.  It's called Beauty and from their new holiday line. 
 Obviously we know pink is my color but I don't know where that awful brown came from?  It's not a cute nude, it's a fairly awful brown.  I probably bought it because it is called Chai and I love Chai, lol.  I usually buy online so sometimes it is hard to really tell the color.  Unfortunately some of my favorites are usually limited additions.  And it is amazing how fast new products sell out on their website.  The pink on the far left was a Viva Glam Gaga and was my favorite but was sold out and not brought back when I went to replace it.  So I replaced with Pink Fade which I've gone through 2 of and just bought another. 
I've had a bit of a candle obsession lately too, and Caylea has too.  This is actually my second Cider Lane, I already went through one.  It's probably my favorite fall candle from Bath and Body Works.  The other holiday scents I'm loving this year are Snowed In, Vanilla Snowflake, Tis the Season, Chestnut and Clove, and Nutmeg and Spice. 

10.25.2012

My story ct. Gratitude

So for this to make sense you need to read the previous post.  I went back to the dr. yesterday and they normally take the adhesive strips off my stitched up areas at the one week follow up but I asked him not to. I told him I am just still so sensitive and feel like they are holding me together.  I know it is safe for them to come off but the less I touch that area right now the better.  I think once all the swelling goes down I will love my results.  Right now they look great just seem a bit big for me, but my dr. warned me I would feel huge at first. Again my nurse gave me a hug and I was so grateful for how caring she and the dr. were.  Like I kinda want to send them an edible arrangement or something. I may have mentioned it before but I had a horrible experience at OSF in Bloomington as a teen and the nurses were so mean. Ever since then I have told nurses thank you for taking care of me. I said it first thing when I sat up after my lift surgery and I said it multiple times this time around. Actually I stopped by the front desk on my way out of the dr. yesterday and told everyone there thank you for taking care of me.

Between the nurses and dr. making me feel so cared for and Caylea and my mom being so great this week I have been feeling a lot of gratitude.  Caylea came in so many times to ask if I was ok and for awhile when I was in the most pain Thursday night just came in and sat by me on the bed and held my hand. We have our mom/teenage daughter fights but it is nice to know none of it really matters when it comes down to it. Of course I should mention while she was holding my hand she tried to convince me to buy her a cat a few times, lol. I told her makeup was the most she was getting out of that deal.  But she was so worried about the dog jumping on me she shut her out of my room for at least an hour and Jazzie does not like being shut out. She whined and barked and drove Caylea crazy so I told her once she came in she'd lay down with me but Caylea was worried she'd be so excited to see me she'd jump at first. So the next thing I know here comes Caylea with Jazzie on her leash!  Lol, she thought of everything. But it was fine we took her off the leash and she layed right down and gave Caylea the death stare. Caylea went to a sleepover Sat. night and was texting me asking if I was doing ok. I replied and told her I just spent $500 at old navy.com.  She did not find that funny after I said I was kidding.  She is a good kid.

I am grateful for how many wonderful friends I have who checked on me.  I am grateful for Magnus and Jazzie for laying around with me.  And I am grateful for painkillers. Very much.

My story

So I have told some of you this story, or parts of it already but for those I haven't shared with yet here goes.  Most of you know my decision to get a breast lift and augmentation is something I have wanted for ten plus years.  This wasn't an overnight decision and it is something I finally decided to do for myself this year.  This was never about doing it for anyone else other than myself. I don't care about showing them to guys, although eventually when I find the right guy that will be great if he likes them, lol. I don't care about flashing my boobs in low cut shirts....I have just always hated my boobs and wanted to change them. Besides, guys being guys already look at boobs so I wasn't trying to get more boob stares, lol.

I researched doctors and ended up with a dr. who refuses to do the lift and augmentation at the same time. I initially thought "we'll that's a waste of money, why do two surgeries when I could get it both done at the same time?" But he sold me with photos of patients and the healing process is better. This dr. also doesn't put you all the way under, he uses twilight sleep. Again I thought "hell no who is crazy enough to be awake for these surgeries?"  Again he sold me on it. Less recovery time. Safer than going all the way under, and I heard stories from his staff who had it done. The office truly is a medical spa, it is lovely and relaxing and very much less scary than a hospital.  I have no doubt that I chose the best Dr. He never pressured me into my second surgery and thought I would be very happy with just the lift.  I was happy with the lift but I decided I still wanted to do the aug.

My lift went great, walked out from that surgery feeling like I could drive home and you may recall I came home and don't remember anything about the four days following the lift.  I did the online shopping in my drugged up stupor and drove to the gas station, hopefully I wore pants but again, I do not recall.

The augmentation was not such smooth sailing. In fact it was a bitch. I sat in the waiting room waiting for them to call me back and had no nerves at all.  I flipped through a magazine and smelled a sample of Jimmy Choo perfume that smelled amazing!  Soon they called me back and gave me my IV and a shot in my ass.  First difference from the lift, didnt get a shot in my ass with the lift.  but whatever, at least I didn't get the nervous runs like i did with the lift!  I had a first tingle of concern when I walked myself from the bathroom back into the surgery suite and hopped up on the table.  I looked at he nurse and said "you know last time I don't remember even coming back here" she said "don't worry you haven't got the good drugs yet."  Ok, still odd watching them move all the instruments around. I was starting to get a little groggy cause I remember laying back on the table and my flip flop fell off and I said "oh no, my flip flop just fell off!"  The nurse said "don't worry we will take the other one off too." Then she said my blingy pink flip flops were cute, ha ha.  So here come the good drugs.  Now with the lift I could feel some tugging and pulling.  But during this surgery I felt something that felt like the dr. just cut a chunk of skin off then started burning me with a match. Let me just say it is good my arms were strapped down because I started squirming and said "feel it, feel it!"  Then came the tears. They gave me some more drugs but then I was emotional and cried the rest of the surgery.  Yes I was a hot, emotional mess on the surgery table thinking about all kinds of stuff. The dr. asked me something and I couldn't answer cause I was trying to cry quietly. So he says "Shyla I need you to answer me" and the nurse says "are you ok honey?" and my response was a quiet "y,y,y,yes" through my tears." She said "I know you are lying because you are crying but we are almost done."  So finally it's over and I sit up and am immediately in pain, chest is on fire.  I told the nurses I needed to lay down ASAP so they wrapped me tight right away and I went to the recovery room.  The dr. comes in and asked me if I looked at my new boobs before they wrapped me and I said "no it hurts too much, just had to lay down."  Now going into the surgery the dr. wants a range for sizing so he can get in there and determine what he thinks looks most natural.  My range was 350-375ccs.  He proceeds to tell me "we did 350 ccs in one and 375 ccs in the other" which made me laugh and it hurt to laugh. I said "I thought we were talking a range, not one of each." But I knew he did it to make them even, one side had been bigger than the other to begin with.  So they are even, no worries. So I leave and driving home every bump my mome hits makes me say ouch. The rest of

Thursday night I was in the most pain I have ever been in. It really compared to childbirth.  Laying down was the best position but even that sucked. And forget getting out of bed. I tried rolling out of bed 3 times before I had to text Caylea "help" she came in and pulled my hand with one hand and pushed my shoulder up with the other hand.  I peed as fast as possible cause standing up sucked and Caylea hand fed me crackers, gave me my drugs and texted everyone how I was doing for me. One of her texts says "I hid the drugs cause she keeps taking more and all she says is ah and fu@@." I managed to get some sleep but Caylea was the best nurse ever.  So the next day I could barely manage to brush my teeth before going in for my one day post op appt. I didn't even attempt to brush my hair. I walked into the dr.s office holding my gigantic wrapped boobs looking like death and plop down in the waiting room. If anyone was there for a consult for a boob job I may have changed their mind. So as they were unwrapping me I told her I was really hurting and just standing up as she took off my bandage I was about to pass out on her. I expected blood to be everywhere once the bandage was off since it felt like my chest was ripped open but everything looked great. The dr. came in and took one look at me and was shocked. I was pale and obviously looked like I was auditioning for a part on The Walking Dead. He felt genuinely bad for me and I could tell by his and the nurses reaction my pain level wasn't normal. So since I could barely keep my eyes open they hooked me up to an IV for 2 hours and made my mom go get me food.  I wasn't allowed to leave until I ate and peed. At this point I had yet to even see what my boobs looked like nor did I care, I just wanted pain relief. They gave me some stronger pain meds, strong enough where insurance denied paying for it so my mom paid out of pocket but they were only 24 bucks.  I now understand why people get addicted to pain pills because they soon became my new best friend.  Like, no joke, best pills ever.  But I really have to say I adore my dr. and my nurses.  He apologized profusely for my pain which I don't think there was much he could do with how my body was reacting to the meds.  The nurses checked on me and gave me hugs.  I truly felt they cared about me and wanted to make sure I left with my pain in control.  At least I left feeling like I could play a part as one of the humans in The walking Dead instead of a zombie. My pain still sucks but compared to where it was I feel so much better. It hurt to breathe the first night.

The good news is I didn't randomly online shop.  I did, however, buy Caylea the Naked 2 makeup palette that she has been wanting forever for her being such an amazing nurse.  While I was at it I threw in a bottle of that Jimmy Choo perfume I had smelled in the waiting room! Telling ya, amazing scent. This is super long so I will continue what else I have to say in my next post.

10.13.2012

Images from D.C.

 I'm splitting the trip pics up into two posts.  Our first leg of the trip was to D.C.  Even though I'd been there before it was a lot of fun to go back and see everything with grown up eyes. 
 The four of us in front of the Washington monument
 Saturday night we went to a Safetysuit concert, they were great as always
 The Smithsonian Air and Space Museum
 We walked by this cute Starbucks
 We stopped by the National Zoo and Giant Panda was in hiding but we got to see the elephant getting pampered.  He (or she) seemed to love it. 
 Tomb of the Unknown Soldier
 The Korean War Memorial-it made for a cool picture with the reflections in the wall.
 We made a stop at D.C. Cupcakes in Georgetown.  They made a great late night snack!
 The National Cathedral was just as beautiful as I remembered it.
 Arlington
 The White House
 D.C. at night was gorgeous
 Statue of Iwo Jima.  We found the extra hand, there are 4 people, should be 8 hands on statue but there are 9.  Someone made an oops.
 World War II Memorial
 All of us at the historic Willard Hotel, where the drinks are $15 each and gross.

One of my favorite parts of D.C. was the holocaust museum. It was silent throughout the museum the whole time we were there, and we were there a few hours.  It was powerful to see the videos and the actual belongings of the people from that time.  We stayed in D.C. 5 nights and then went off to New York.  NY pics to follow...

9.25.2012

Dear little blog...

I don't mean to ignore you little blog.  I have been a tad lazy lately.  So until I have the energy to update with DC/NY pics here are some randoms....

  • I have a wicked migraine today & it is finally fading. 
  • I took 3 Advil PMs & still wasn't able to sleep. That's bad.
  • I am glad good tv shows are starting back up. Since I am not lazy enough. 
  • I am grateful to work at a company where I have company pride & want to wear my shirts with the SF logo on them.
  • I have a shy bladder at work but at home I have to pee every flipping 30 mins. 
  • Since it is fall I made my normal order of three chai teas from Tastefully Simple. They changed them from cans to a package & I do not like the new packaging. But they failed to ask my opinion prior to making that change. 
  • Caylea & I bought some fall cradles from Bath & Body Works....Cranberry Woods & Cider Lane smells amazing,
  • While I was there I picked up a new car air fresher called Mahogany Leather. Officially obsessed. Adore it. Smells so good, like I have a sexy Christian Grey in my car all the time since it smells like cologne.
  • Mahogany leather scent not good when you have a migraine however.

9.02.2012

Decorating

I don't think my previous few pics in posts were working, hopefully these will actually show up!  This blog is not iPad friendly to update.
I have had a very hard time figuring out how to decorate this wall since the shape is so awkward.  I finally found an arrangement I am liking.  Stole the idea from pinterest but found the love mirror at Hobby Lobby and hung it within the open frame.
Made a new flower arrangement for a mason jar
New Yankee Candle, smells good (coconut vanilla) but bought it cause I love the jar
Door knob used as a curtain tie back
Another mason jar flower arrangement

New sign in hall
New corkboard and lamp (and another candle) in laundry room
I am wanting to hang a shelf above the washer and dryer but until then I thought the lamp was kinda cozy
New mirror above the shelf
another doorknob
And the decorators  :)  I have a horrible sore throat, no fun.  But getting ready for the D.C./NY trip, lots of packing to do! 

8.16.2012

Doing some decorating

So I have been in the decorating mood.  Looking forward to D.C. & New York which is quickly approaching!



New cork board in laundry room



New sign in kitchen

8.08.2012

Pick me up

I occasionally log in to Caylea's facebook account to do the parent check in routine and make sure all is well.  Tonight I realized if I am ever in need of a pick me up all I have to do is browse a few entries from some past "acquaintances" by clicking on their page when I am logged in as Caylea. I mean if I ever doubt I have made good life decisions I can confirm it by reading some of those posts and cringing.  I have said multiple times how great of a decision getting divorced was but he just keeps proving I made a good call...over and over and over again.  I just truly don't understand the logic that goes through his head but I am so glad I am not the one listening to the types of comments he posts daily in conversation. Even though sometimes I don't focus on the positives in my life as much as I should, I can say I am very happy to be single right now.  If I had stayed married much longer I would've ended up insane or in jail.  Lessons learned, lessons learned...

7.28.2012

Lately I have been trying to tackle small organizational projects and getting rid of things I have no use for. Trying to simplify my life. Last week I did my nightstand and found my old weight watchers books and this paper from 2007 where I had recorded my measurements. I was very obsessive about it back then writing down every detail. I thought it would be neat to compare my measurements 5 years later and measure today. I still have the same measuring wrap I used back then. Overall I have lost 30 inches in the past 5 years. It is easy to think in pounds but I never think in inches anymore so I was really glad I came across this and could compare. Back then it seemed impossible to make changes and today my entire life has changed, not just my weight and inches. Five years ago I was graduating from ISU and never thought I would be living in another state, now divorced (yay!) and able to live in a way that never seemed possible, relatively stress free and doing what I want. It really is amazing how quickly life can change.

7.09.2012

My "order" that I do not recall

 I received my order today from Old Navy that I ordered while drugged.  Here is what I ended up with.  A denim jacket, a green striped hoodie, a tank top, another top, 5 pairs of flip flops, and a necklace for Caylea. 
 Not sure about these three pairs, may take them back. 
 But I did good with this cute brown pair with the sparkly flower!  And I needed a new silver pair.  And Caylea will love the mustache necklace.  So I made some good drugged up choices. 

I told Missy I feel like my life motto lately is like Cartman from Southpark "I do what I want."  I like it.  :) 

7.05.2012

Staycation

It has been really nice using this week as recovery/staycation. I am restricted from most activities for awhile but I am able to go for walks and everyday I have gone for a 3 mile walk. It has felt good to just get back to basics with exercise and not try to go for a routine. My gym is actually closing the location I usually go to anyway so it works out since I won't be able to lift weights for awhile. The walking has felt great, even though it is hot as heck out. Caylea wanted to go with me for my walk on the 4th and it wore her out. She wanted to sit on every bench we passed. We came home and she took a two hour nap. I am also restricted from being out in the sun for long periods so that has ruled out the pool, so I used the 4th to watch season one of The Killing on Netflix. Hello, good show! I had two episodes of season two dvr'd but I am hoping they re-run it cause I am missing the rest of season two which I think just ended. It has been really nice staying in and retreating from the world a bit. Tomorrow I have my one week follow up appt. Swelling has gone down a lot this week and oddly enough I was most sore day 6 post-surgery, maybe it was due to the walks. Or I just have started being less careful with movements, I moved very slow the first few days. I don't think he does much tomorrow except make sure all looks good. But he may remove bandages that I may not enjoy him removing. Not sure what to expect!

7.02.2012

Heroine of my own life

So I found this quote and got to thinking, I focus a lot on what I am missing out on in the relationship I am missing. But I need to think of what he is missing out on and realize he is the one who should be sad. I have met some major goals in the past two years. I finished my CPCU, paid off my credit card debt, and finally got the surgery I have wanted for years. I have stayed committed to some huge goals these past two years. I have been able to travel a lot and finished a half marathon. Maybe I am just too much for him, lol. I have met some major goals and yet i focus too much on what makes me sad. I'm not trying to toot my own horn but I think most of us don't give ourselves enough credit. Now it is time for me to think of what's next, I have a few new goals in mind. And when I meet those goals it will just be more for someone to think they let a good one get away.

So...Sorry bout those pics...

Some of you were blessed with pictures of my boobs after surgery. Here is what I have realized happened during the past three days while I have been heavily drugged. - I watched two episodes of True Blood that I had been anxiously awaiting from Netflix. I had to watch them again today because I have no memory of what happened in the episodes when I watched them Friday. - I texted a lot with really bad spelling. I had to go back today and re-read what my texts were because again, couldn't recall. Hence finding pictures of boobs that I sent to a few of you! Thank goodness I didn't send boob pics to my boss! - I managed to not send emotional texts to the people I didn't want to send emotional texts to. Didn't send any to that person actually and I am quite proud of myself. - after checking my email I found a shipping confirmation from Old Navy. So I apparently drugged shopped online. I have zero recollection of doing this but I now have 5 pairs of flip flops on the way. Yes, I guess I thought I needed 5 new pairs of flip flops. I also got a shirt and a hoodie. Seriously? I was worried about texting, didn't think shopping would be an issue. I have no idea when I woke up and thought "time to get on old navy.com!". Random. - I think I talked to a few people on the phone but really am not sure. - I had some crazy, wacky dreams. - so grateful I have not had the emotional breakdown that is common on day 3 post surgery! Maybe it is because I had an emotional breakdown everyday of the week leading up to the surgery. I am sure I will still have one soon. So today I was hoping to avoid taking any more pain pills and woke up feeling pretty good. I can't do a serious workout for a few weeks but I can walk so I went to the park and walked three miles. Felt great to get off the couch but I ended up taking another pain pill after that because I got a bit sore. I felt funny but I had to keep looking down my shirt to see if I was bleeding, I didn't want to over do it. so I am sure that looked great to anyone who noticed. I also feel this need to hold them in place, like they are just going to fall back down any second. The swelling is going down a bit down which is kind of a bummer because with the swelling it really looked like I already had implants. I guess it gave me a good idea of what I would look like with implants though. So sorry for any bad spelling or weird texts, oh and the half naked ones! Oh and I just had to read my last two blog posts because I don't really recall writing those either! These drugs are no joke. I better go check my email to make sure I didn't buy anything else!

7.01.2012

Boobie brain

So I don't know if it is all my meds or what but since my surgery I can't remember crap. I can barely remember what day it is. Yesterday I thought it was about 5 pm when it was only 10 am! Friday I was about to go to bed and remembered Caylea told me I got a package in the mail so I went looking for it. I couldn't find it anywhere. I drilled Caylea about where she put it and she said it was on the counter. It wasn't. Finally about an hour later I realized I had already opened the package earlier. Losing it I tell ya. I am calling it boobie brain. My meds make me soooo tired. I slept twelve hours last night then I was on scrapbook.com this morning and fell asleep multiple times while filling up my cart. But I must say, aside from some slight discomfort around a few of my stitches I am truly amazed at how pain free this surgery has been. Maybe it is because I have kept up on my meds but really I would rather get a lift than go thru labor any day of the week. Plus it is fun to look down my shirt now. Can't believe I waited so long to finally do it. Still have to decide about doing part two, which right now I am pretty swollen so I may not want implants. But once swelling goes down we will see how it really looks. I really kind of feel like a new person. On another note, Caylea has a boy over right now. Lord help me. Oh yeah, it is day 3 post-surgery and NO emotional breakdown!!!!!! Woohoo!

6.29.2012

Shyla the druggie

Most of you know I went under the knife yesterday for a little perk up of the girls. I am sparing you the photos, lol. So my nerves didn't really kick in until I got to the office yesterday morning but I did take a Valium the night before in case I was too anxious to sleep. Can I tell you how amazing that drug is? So I get to the office thinking the same thing that went thru my head 15 years ago when I went to the hospital to have Caylea...I really kinda just wanted to go home and avoid any pain. Too late for that. My mom dropped me off and the nurse started my IV in a nice relaxing room with a recliner. She had trouble with my right arm and after digging around she finally went to the left arm. It was about that time I realized I was very close to passing out. Another lady came in for me to sign more release papers and I basically said I would sign whatever she wanted me too but I desperately needed a bathroom. I signed and she pointed me to the bathroom where I ended up laying on the floor for ten minutes. (don't worry, the bathroom and office is spotless so laying on the floor did not seem gross) finally made it back to the room where the gave me four pain pills. I vaguely rember the dr. drawing all over me but I could barely stand at that point with all the drugs. Somehow I got back to the operating room and remember them putting up that blue drape so I couldn't see. I think I slept thru most of it but I know I said a few things. I asked the dr. if he was doing ok, asked the nurses if they get discounts, and can't remember much else. I do remember saying at one point I could feel something, something like a scalpel cutting me but they fixed that right away. Then I was asking "is that all, we are done" and they said yes. Then the nurses cleaned all the iodine off me and I told them thank you for being so nice to me. I remember them talking about how great I looked and the dr. said I would be shocked I had the volume I do without implants. They wrapped me up tight (after complimenting my choice of pants and pretty undies) No pain at all yesterday, like none! Slept all day yesterday, just couldn't keep my eyes open. Today is a bit more sore but nothing unbearable. I got my dressing off today and yikes, lots of blood overnight but the doc said it was normal. Doc also said he impressed himself with this one. From what I can see I looooooove the results! Worth every penny. Loved my dr. and his staff and nurses! I also love my pain pills. I can definitely feel things when I move around now so I am moving slow. Pretty good excuse to lay around and be lazy right now! I just find myself very tired very easily. Overall though I would do it again in a heartbeat. Loooove the dr. I chose! Oh and no drug induced texting, yay me!

6.20.2012

Colorado Weekend

 Michelle, Danielle and I had a wonderful trip out to Colorado for Sarah's wedding!  The weather was perfect and we all adored Colorado. 
 All the little towns were so cute.  Michelle and I in Old Town Fort Collins in the photo above.
 We had the BEST mexican food I've ever had while we were there at Palamino's.  I want it right now.  So amazing.  Hilarious waitress and a table behind us that liked to use the "f" word, a lot.  Margaritas were yummy, and we even had sopapillas for dessert, yum. 

 Pre-wedding photos
 I think I carried my camera around the whole wedding and managed to not take any photos?  Not sure how that happened but maybe the white wine had something to do with it.  We had SO much fun at the wedding and LOVED the photobooth.  Sarah and Phil both looked awesome and we had a blast! 
 The day after the wedding we went up to Estes Park and drove into Rocky Mountain National Park.  We got stuck by several Elk in the road.  Michelle and I jumped out of the car to take photos. 
 And this guy came trotting right up along the road...we kind of high tailed it back into the car.  They are really large animals.  :)
 Thanks to Danielle for driving because we reminded her several times to keep her eyes on the road since there were no guard rails and oh, only a HUGE drop off the side of the mountain. 
 Such pretty scenery
 Our last day we made it to Boulder, another cute little town to walk around in.  We found this yummy cafe for lunch. We ate outside every chance we got. 

 Cute stores everywhere!
Sunset after dinner at Nordy's BBQ.  More great food.  Seriously good food in Colorado.  This post was a bad idea actually because I had cereal for dinner and now I could go for some enchiladas, macaroni and cheese, and an egg salad sandwich.  We discovered why Sarah loves it on Colorado.  And I was super impressed with how pet friendly they are, pet bowls and dogs everywhere!  Such a fun and relaxing trip.  So glad we decided to go and we are so happy for Sarah and Phil!